In the name of God, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful. All praise is to God, the Lord of the worlds.

I’m the smiling man above standing next to my beautiful fiancé, feeling the happiest I’ve ever been. But I wasn’t always this happy. That genuine smile often eluded me. It became a dream I long coveted. I wondered if happiness truly existed; if I’d ever radiate with the glow I’d seen in fairytale movies. I was hurt far more than I realized. My inner wounds often prevented me from seeking better for myself because I subconsciously believed I was unworthy. I thought I was meant to be a sacrificial lamb, placed atop life’s altar, devoted only to seeing other people thrive and succeed. I couldn’t believe that I deserved the same happiness, success, and peace that I toiled to give others.

I spent much of my childhood in solitude and quiet despair. I felt a deep, palpable wound in my heart, but could never articulate why. My sadness was a pervasive, silent wind roaming through my bleak, desolate plain of a body. I was yearning for connection and acceptance, but failed to receive it in many ways.

And I carried this into my early youth and teenage years. I didn’t know who I was or why I often internalized other people’s actions. Their words were knives that impaled my skin; their departures were gaping wounds that my happiness and self-worth fell right through. I constantly found myself chasing the wrong things—popularity, public approval, and validation. I sought assent and kindness from tight-fisted hands carried by departing feet.

This further fueled my feelings of inadequacy. My unworthiness was becoming an overflowing ocean, and I was starting to drown. I constantly experienced failure. Times where tears would stream down my face as I struggled to piece together answers that would fix my heart and set me back upon a peaceful path. But the cycles would repeat—until, through God’s grace and mercy, I was guided to a liberating, luminous truth: I needed to go inward. I spent so much time watering the insides of others and building homes there, as my own insides decayed and grew barren.

And that’s when I decided to change. I started letting go. Of public opinion, approval, and worldly gains. I started to embrace myself and transcendent meaning. I began healing my old wounds, placing my soft hands over the darkest, roughest parts and gently draining their pains and sewing them shut; I decluttered my mind of other people’s thoughts and ideas about me, and replaced them with my own; and I sought truth.

This journey eventually guided me to a monumental transformation. I no longer was the more scared, hurt version of myself who lived in the shadow of others and tethered myself to their ideas of value and success. I began to embrace the real me. Not the version I sported to avoid conflict or appease others so I wouldn’t be abandoned. But the one who campaigned for what I deserved, desired, and needed for my growth. I made so many changes. I parted ways with friendships, habits, and beliefs that couldn’t accompany me on this path; I changed religions (embracing Islam) and reconnected to God; and I started breathing life into the thoughts and feelings that long laid dormant inside me.

And now I want to help others do the same.